Eastenders Sacking & Going To Jail - Brian Croucher

2:22I'd have to have all that chat and all that thing about how you miss that one blackball game and all that. I don't have that. And if I was playing darts with you, I'd be throwing them at you and not at the target. And not at the target? Yeah. So I want to know how someone who's in prison for a stupid offence, like not having an L plate, which is what you got sent to prison for in the 70s. If you drove without an L plate, you get sent to prison. How did you go from being in prison to being an actor? What, what, did something happen to you in prison? Did someone talk to you, touch you? Well, everything happened to me in six months that I didn't want ever to happen again. So I thought I don't want to be a recidivist. That's

3:04the right word, isn't it? That's a person who repeats the action and returns to prison. I didn't want to return to prison ever again. It was a short, sharp shock as a delinquent. So I thought I'd better, because everything happens in the evening with the youth. They go to work in the daytime. In my day, we could get a job. We go to work, they come out in the evening, and you've got a scooter, and you're nice about making noise, looking for women. So are you a mod or a rocker? Oh yeah, I was a mod. I was a mod. A mod. Is that a guy with a big head? Listen, have you not studied your history, Kevin? Not in that detail. Mods rode scooters. They didn't ride naught in 500s. were rockers. Rockers, okay. So anyway yeah so in the evenings I thought I

3:46won't go and get into trouble, I'll go to evening classes and a friend of mine's girlfriend was going to the Bowie Institute in London and studying drama and so I went along mainly to meet a different sort of woman. What kind of woman? An intelligent woman. I like intelligent women. They don't need to have a wonderful figure or a beautiful face, they just need to be intelligent. A dumb woman is alright though. Well you can get a blow-up doll for that Kevin, you know. I mean I could ask you a question now, what would you use a dumb woman for then? Probably the same thing I'd use a blow-up doll for.

4:33Absolutely, well we won't go there but anyway So I went to evening classes, met somebody, suggested I took up drama, had a little, as it were, bent for it. But I didn't straight away become an actor. I did stage management. I did a stage management course. But we went on into drama classes and I thought to myself, I can do this. What was the point where you thought I can actually do this instead of just being behind the stage? Well looking at the other looking at the other people who were on the acting course I thought well I'm as good as them I think you know there was Brian Cox Martin Shaw people like that.

5:15What all on your class? Yeah they were all they were the year above and I was the I was a stage management and of course there's nothing to stage manage when you first go to drama school so you go into the classes to learn what the actors are learning and you know so yeah I thought I could do this and I talked to a few people learnt a couple of audition pieces and I went to Lambda. Do you still remember your first audition piece? Yeah, whoa whoa for England not a wit for me. Not bad, could be a bit better. Now Kevin yeah are you with I'd like to show you this.

5:58Show me what's going on. It's touching the ten That's 10, 19, 27, 33. And that's out of how much? What's the maximum score? Oh and the 7? 40. 40 out of 50 on your first attempt. Is that good? Superb. I would normally say on a one-hour session with a client anything over 25 within a A complete hour is a good result, so to shoot a 40 within your first 10 minutes, it is fantastic, it really is. Are you picturing anyone being there right now?

6:40Is that why you're so good? Anyone in your acting career? Are they mentally in your head right there? Well, there were some years back, but I don't go there now. I'm quite happy to talk to people in the pub with a pint, and I don't fantasise about killing other actors. as if I've got butts that I wanted. No, I didn't do that. I was a butlin redcoat. You were a redcoat. I was about your age, yeah. You sleep with many guests. That's what they all do, isn't it? How do you know that? Well, because I've been to butlins and slept with a redcoat. Oh, wow. That's great. Yeah, but it wasn't... Yeah, okay. Yes, no, apparently you do. You've got to help the guests at butlins in as many ways.

7:26They say, which way is it to the Crazy Horse Saloon? This way to my chalet. Now you've got to... I pay off the chalet. Yeah, so my mum actually really did recognise you from EastEnders. Did she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, oh, it was him from EastEnders thing. Yeah. You were in that for what, two, three years? Yeah, a couple of years, yeah. A couple of years. and then I went off in the taxi to buy a crossbow and arrows and I was ready to shoot the producer. I always wondered, is it fairly annoying having to learn new lines almost every other day? Because it's a constant shoot, isn't it? It's just a... Well, if the lines are well written and if they run to your character's state of mind and and then it's easy but of course you have to remember lines and that's

8:18the thing about remembering lines is not remembering the words, it's remembering the thoughts that go with the words. The thoughts are more important so if you're saying I love you, you've got to know who you're saying it to, whether you mean it, how loud you say it because she's just leaving in a taxi I love you and if she's ever going to come back I love you you know I love you that's proper acting that is right there yeah that's Robin Hood that was. That's the real thing. May Marion up there. Last day EastEnders were there tears were you happy to be leaving? Not really because I didn't it wasn't a joyful experience towards the end.

9:04Oh how come? You were working with greats weren't you like how Wendy Richards she was there when you were there. Tell you a story about Wendy Richards. Go on then. Wendy Richards, she said to me one day, she said, Brian, have you been working with this new young director? I said, yeah. She said, what do you reckon? I said, well I'm not really working with him, I'm not sentient. She said, do you know what he said to me today? I said, no Wendy. He said, what did he say to you? He said, he said to me, I think what you're thinking in this, I said, hold on, hold on a minute, hold on there, whatever your name is. I've been doing this show now for 25 years without a thought in my head don't you start putting money in there now.

9:53True story of that, very funny. Legend, Wendy Richards. Legend, see if I can be a legend now and get it in the tin. So what happened towards the end then, you just started going off it, you've given crappy storylines. Well yeah, you've given crappy storylines and well the main thing is is finding that you're leaving by somebody pointing out in the news of the world on the Sunday before the producer asks you into their office. So it was in the papers before you even knew about it. That's crap. That's bloody crap. What do you say to a producer before you leave? Do you even say the thing? I just showed you a picture of Barinaro.

10:41It works like this. It works like a A writer has an idea, he takes it to a producer, and the producer commissions it, and then it's accepted, and then the producer gets a director, and the director then has ideas about the characters, he gets a casting director, and the casting director then has to contact your agent, so you're five steps away from the original piece of work. Where's the slimy journalist in his hand? It must be up here somewhere. They're all behind the actor here, they never come in front of the actor.

11:28And there's the actor on a little finger. So you're not in control of it. Once the writer gives it to the producer, he's not in control of it. The producer gives it to, they're not in control of it. The casting director's not in control because at the end the director wants, He says I want him as opposed to him, so you know, but on what finger does the paper find out? That's what I want to know where they found out before you even knew that sucks. I don't know Pull this one out here And then you hold it like that Yeah, because this is my instructor. I've got a personal instruction. I'm not in a club and just But a personal instructor's name is Karl talk me everything I know today. Yeah you learn quite quickly I'm surprised. What was that last question?

12:16Oh on what stage of the process did the paper find out because the story was being run before you even got told. Well it was being written I suppose. I tell you what though this is what I think a journalist. I was in a theatre pub in London, the Old Red Lion in Islington, and I was having a pee, because if I was in a cubicle I wouldn't, and they would come up to put a journalist from the news of the world again. They were always looking, they were always sniffing around. He was having a peeing, and he went, oh Brian, how are you? I don't know if he followed me in there.

13:00I said there, anything happening? Meaning do you want to tell me anything salacious and I thought yeah that's just about where we meet journalists in the toilet. One of the most interesting things that stood out was a Sultara movie put together by Doctor Who fans. Not only because I've never heard of it but also because it's got like close to seven on IMBD which is really flippin good for a B movie. It's probably the highest rating I've ever seen like a a B movie before. Really? Yeah. Was it because I was in it? I don't know. What did you do in that movie? Were you the Sultaren? Did you kill the Sultaren? No, yeah I killed the Sultaren. How do you kill a Sultaren?

13:42Not with a crossbow but with a hammer. Isn't it on the chest? Isn't it what David Tennant did? Killed one with a hammer? No, it's a screwdriver in the neck. In the neck. Yeah, so you said something to me in like an earlier conversation leading up to this You don't see yourself as a lead actor, and you know your place as an actor, which is like candle stick maker in a production, for example. I was like... Well, you're the baker, the candle stick maker. I think I understand, because you're a good actor. I know I'm a good actor. I've proved it, because I've been going for 40 years. Thank you very much. I mean, your credits, your credits are pretty awesome.

14:28No, I've got some very funny theories about acting. Nobody should consider themselves as a leading actor. I tell you the story that you there's a street car named Desire written by Tennessee Williams yeah and as most of us know Blanche Dubois gets taken to the lunatic asylum at the end of the three-part play three act play so in New York one young actor meets another young actor and he says he says hey what are you doing he said I'm playing a male nurse he said yeah he said he said what He said, yeah, I'm playing a male nurse in this new production of Streetcar Named Desire. He said, what's it about? He said, it's about this male nurse who takes Blanche Du Bois to the lunatic asylum. And of course, it's only like the end of the play.

15:20But it is about him, because he's had his whole life before and he's going to have his whole life after. So when you are an actor, you're not a leading actor, you're part of the story. However small, there are no small parts. those small parts. Only the story. Do you know why I couldn't be a stage actor? True story. The only production I was ever in theatre wise was a street car named Desire. I was playing a young guy who had to kiss, was it Blanche, the old woman? Yeah. Yeah, there's a scene where a really young guy kisses her. She had bad breath. No, no, no, she had a wobbly chin. She had a wobbly chin. Proper wobbly chin. She was that old. I could learn to love a woman with a wobbly chin. And she leaned in for a kiss. And I just

15:56saw her chin I think that the theatre door was open or something, there was a breeze. That's close to Chris was in with turkeys. Well yeah, she was a big old turkey. All right, I gagged a bit and I pulled away and that was it. I couldn't go through with it. That's why I could never do stage work. So how was it? It's very enjoyable, very frustrating because you want to do well. It encourages you to do well and it's sort of there laughing at you and you've got to get it somewhere in there to stop it laughing. Is that a metaphor for life, your career? Yeah, you're getting it right.

16:41But you don't want people to... I played Victor Cartwright from somewhere up in Bolton or somewhere like that, close to Manchester. And, you know, I usually play London parts, as you know. And in the Manchester evening news it said Brian Croucher as Victor Cartwright, excellent performance but we all know you're not from Manchester. So you always want to try and get it everything, the accent, the performance, get it right. So if you're playing a murderer, you have to frighten people. Well thank you so much for coming along Brian, it's been a real pleasure. No!

17:26It's not quite finished yet Kevin Oh This is your boat? Yeah Are you right or left handed? I'm right handed You can screw it there, You're sure it's just by the god! Get ready I don't want myascarpone What the fuck?! Wait! If you've made it this far, thank you so much for listening And really do appreciate it and please don't forget to leave me a review, as long as you liked what you heard, obviously. If you'd like to check out any more of my work as a comedy producer, then log on to KevinDorham.com where you can see all the different types of sketches and productions I'm currently working on.

18:15Until next time, take care of yourself and I'll see you soon. Cheers, bye!