Allyson June Smith Eating the Destroyer burger while talking about comedy

1:06 You got a big appetite. Is there room in — I uh I haven't eaten really anything today. I went to the gym. I'm prepped. I'm ready. — So, here's my god. We're going to die.

1:16 Insane. Jesus. — Oh, who's the rep? Who's going to make sure that we're not just putting this behind a sofa? — Okay. 10 minutes. — To eat the burgers, chips, and the — Can't leave nothing. — Can't leave nothing.

1:33 Have to eat anything. — Let's do this. — Okay. So, — well, tell me, how did you get started? — Okay. Well, uh, I always wanted to be an actress, not a comedian to be honest with you. And I just thought it was getting very tricky. Wow. You can hardly pick that up. Uh, to audition. Um, and and I I just figured, you know what I was going to do? I just thought I would

1:58 I'm taking a picture of this before we — Oh my god. Yeah, that's right. So, instead of um just waiting around for somebody to cast me, I decided I was just going to start doing something where I had more control. Okay.

2:07 And standup is all about you just taking control and getting on the stage and doing it, — much like trying to eat this burger. All right. Here we go. — So, are you a bit of a control freak?

2:16 I think I am a little bit. You know why? Because I used to be a teacher before I was a comedian. So, yeah. I think being a control freak goes hand in hand with that job as well.

2:26 Oh my god, it's just me. It's just a lump of meat. — I don't even know how you get into this. All right, here we go. — So, your first gig, was it good or bad?

2:34 My first gig was brilliant. — Oh my god, I had a great time. — No one says that. — Oh, I had a lovely time. It was wonderful. Um, it just fluke. Now, the 10 after that, not so wonderful. But I think that's what makes you strong is if you can get past all the uh the bad shows. Uh-huh.

2:52 And um what was your first bit? What's the first bit — where you felt like you really had the time cuz I was a teacher. Oh my god, I got to use a fork and knife. So, it was about teaching um and just some of the experiences with the kids that really um that uh that came across I think really really nicely. And that's when I started to think like, okay, yeah, I can do this.

3:23 And what experience in particular with the kids? — Uh, listening to them talk. I listened to two grade six boys talk about how to pick up girls. So, you're six, so they were 10 years old. And just over hearing them, I thought, "This is hilarious." And it made me realize that there's a um across the ages that we all can relate to. So, I started to kind of tell some jokes about um the classroom and things I overheard with the kids.

3:51 And then I think I started to tell jokes about my family. A lot of life experiences. I think it was a lot more observational rather than opinion for the first little while. — Cuz I think it takes a while as a comic to get your opinion across, you know.

4:05 How about your voice? I hear that it can take quite a while for a comedian to find his or her voice. — It take you a long time. — Oh, yeah. Um, I think it's just stage time because you don't you you got to get comfortable on stage before you can really get your opinions out.

4:21 You got to um, you know, know who you are, know the way you you like to say things. You know, are you a oneliner? Are you a observational person? Are you a storyteller?

4:31 So, I think it takes a real long time before you even figure out what you're going to be about as a comic. Yeah. — What's your um favorite bit by another comic? Is there

4:40 any one bit that really sticks in your We're nearly at halfway. — I know on my A bit I love for my friend Paul Meerhog, who's a Canadian comic, is he talks about how he would never want to have a daughter. Um because having a daughter, he he's like, you know, you have a daughter and one day she's going to get a boyfriend and you know, nobody wants that. Nobody wants to see their daughter, you know, with a guy. He's like, "So, uh, my game plan is if I ever have a daughter, I'm just gonna feed her nothing from but cheeseburgers from J. Just gonna pork her right on out." And I just thought that was a real interesting Yeah, it really made me laugh.

5:23 So, that's one of my favorite bits. Of course, I don't do it justice. You got to see Paul Meerhog do it. Yeah. — One of my favorite bits is um Louis E. — He talks about um where his daughter is a baby.

5:34 He's wiping um ship off off a baby — Uhhuh. And one thing I never tell you about parrothood is the nappy changing bit and wiping [ __ ] off of a baby vagina. — He goes, "That's what made me a man." bit about um the difference between white porn and black porn. How with black porn the women always look quite scared and scratched up and all this kind of stuff. in white corn they're just kind of you know beautifully

6:10 but why why do comedians who have been doing stand up back so many years — still bomb I'm not just saying that because of you know to you but I hear that from like a lot of professional

6:20 I think the level of bomb is different I'll never not get any laughs — but the rate of consistency you know you're just used to a better laughs per minute more laughs per now at this stage in the game. Okay.

6:36 So, when I mean bomb still career and sometimes too, you'll just hit a crowd that isn't your crowd. You know, when I first came over, I did a lot of shows in the north to like stag deuce. And um you know, I've got some jokes, but sometimes they they just don't want to hear, you know, they look at you with the eyes of like, god, this stripper's got a lot of opinions, you know, like.

6:59 And do you ever go to that kind of crowd? Don't fall into — just kind of, you know, doing quite, I know, smutty jokes or knob jokes or, you know, something that might please stag

7:10 Yes. I'm not going to lie. Absolutely. — Still jokes that I've written. — But, um, I think that's the key too to being a successful comedian, — adapting to crowd, right? — Is building an arsenal. You know, once you get to a point where people are just coming to see you,

7:25 you don't have to worry about it. But the original thing of comedians was we would travel around. We would go to different places. We would do shows for different types of people — and so it is you know kind of essential to I mean you're always telling your jokes and and you know but but you got to have a variety of different sort of things that you can pull out of your bag of tricks I think.

7:46 Yeah. Go. What's your smuttiest show — if you if you got a set and kind of going down — down the swan it's a snug deep crowd. What's your gag to turn it around? — Oh god. We got two minutes. Finish all and the milkshakes.

8:04 This is insane. Gosh, I don't know if I want to do it on TV to be honest with you. one time I did a show for 450 oil rig workers. So like men, just men working on the oil fields. And um I got on stage and I thought, well, I better relate to them. So I said pretty early on, right? And I dropped an Fbomb right away. I was like, "Hey guys, how the are you?" And all I heard from the back of the room was just one guy go, "Holy that. men around when they hear that. Yeah. So, that is quite often the story that I will tell.

8:46 And they'll giggle at that. — Maybe that made me cough a bit of — Exactly. Exactly. — I don't think we're ready. — I think failed this challenge miserably. — I'm actually impressing myself how much meat I have ingested.

9:08 You've done really well. — So, are there many comedians who — you look to you get yourself? Um, I think you got to learn early on not to get too jealous, but you definitely or to compare, but there are moments, I think, where you look at maybe somebody else's career and you go, "God, I wish I wish I was at that point."

9:28 But what I try to remember is if you can see them in that situation, then you should just imagine yourself in that situation because if they've gotten there, you can get there, too. Yeah.

9:39 Uh, but there's definitely some Canadians who have come over that have — Yeah. like Bobby Mayer who's a new comedian on the scene and uh we were in a contest before we both moved here. He's been doing it for half the time that I have and he won and won 10 grand to come over here and get set up which was what I was trying to hope to win the 10 grand for. So So you're just like so he got over here sooner. He got on TV sooner. Yeah.

10:01 Quite quite I know — there's no way to hide. It's too greasy. It's going to run on my suit. — Nobody's here. No, — actually, can we just put another 10 minutes in your pot? — Wait, wait, wait.

10:25 Our time has just slowed. — Since you went out of the room. — How many people normally British — About five. — Half usually complete a challenge. — Yeah. In the 10 minutes. — Yeah. It is so big. Yeah.

10:40 Seems big. — I think I spent the first couple of minutes just figuring out what the plan of attack was cuz when I first tried to pick up the burger, you can't. There's no way to pick it up and eat it like a a burger. You got to get into the fork and knife. You have to. Yeah.

10:56 This is not fair. You do not win the challenge by giving food away. That is — That wasn't in the rules. There was no that was not in um this is delicious. — There we go. Good. Well, I'm nearly finished. So, uh

11:15 so this is the Red Dog Saloon. And if they finish, what do they win? What do they win? — Oh, a t-shirt. — A t-shirt. Yeah. — Cool. How long we got? Five minutes. Five and a half minutes

11:27 of the non-cheing time. — Few days ago. — That is not fair. — That is not fair. — Well, I could deal with that now. Thank you very much. Cheers. — Oh, that was wonderful. Thank you very

11:53 There we go. Well, don't know where you look at your chips. — I know. I haven't Oh, look at my chips. — Yeah, look at yours. They're walking — So, have you had any big breaks? Any kind of moments where it kind of gone up a level?

12:09 Yeah. I would say because I've had some uh you know, a lot of well, yeah, a good amount of telly work in uh in Canada. — Uhhuh. And I think once you start to do television, it does kind of put you up a little bit just because you're learning the skill of how to how to stay still natural and be delivering material but on TV. Yeah.

12:31 Which is a different thing. — Yeah. Yeah. — Uh performing live in the clubs where there's no cameras or anything. — That's easy. That's fun, right? Nobody's — monitoring you or or making sure you're delivering everything accurately.

12:44 So I think telly definitely. I think here in the UK I got to open for and we'll be opening for again Steuart Francis which was an amazing experience. Uh he is one of my all-time favorite comedians. He's so well written and to do a tour with him was really

12:59 an eye openening experience. — Why eye opening? — It was just such big theaters and I mean in Canada nobody's doing theater tours. We work clubs, we do corporates, — but there are very few that are selling out theaters across Canada. So to be working with somebody and to walk in to like, you know, an 18800 seat theater, have it sold out, and they're all there for him, it just gave me a perspective that I I had never really seen as a reality before. Um, so that was a really amazing experience.

13:30 And you change your set when you play to that many people, do you change what you — A little bit. Yeah, I I would say I I slow it down just a little bit. Um, just cuz such a large amount of people the laughter and the timing is a bit

13:43 Do you find you applause weird in theaters when they applaud you? — that's what they do, isn't it? — They do. They do it in clubs. — No. No, they don't. — Now and again you'll get an applause at a club, but more or less people want to laugh and but that also because they've got food in front of them, they got drinks in front of them. In clubs, they've got stuff going on.

14:00 Um, in a theater I know. I love that you're still trying. In a theater, it's like they're there — so their hands are free. — Yeah. They're quicker to applaud — and people who buy theater tickets sometimes a good are different than a club ticket. So you spend more money on a theater ticket. So I think perhaps the people you get in theaters are of a

14:22 Wash back to the posh laugh. — Yeah. Like I was saying I did a a show last night at a lovely club here in London at King's Head. — Yeah. Yeah. — In Crouch End. And the audience there is just um they're very they're middle class. It's a middle class area. So the way they laugh is a very it's a far more posh laugh. Yeah.

14:45 Whereas when you're in Chattam Kent — it's more — Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. — Or dirty gristly. — Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The nitty-gritty. So I think that depends a lot too. But that being said, I mean if anyone ever said, "What do you like better?" I I don't know what I like better. I I enjoy both experiences, but there is something really freeing about being in an environment with those people that have that kind of laugh because you feel like you can say and do anything. You're not going to offend anyone or upset anyone, which is kind of what comedy is supposed to be. It's short for standup commentary. We're supposed to be able to express opinions, say what we want.

15:23 So, so yeah, I I do enjoy a good — gritty dirty. — I do. I do. I appreciate those kind of gigs. Yeah. I've been interviewed a few female comedians and there seems to be one thing quite consistent with females doing the circuit.

15:37 Getting approached by other comedians for dates and sex. — Heard that a lot. — I think I've been very lucky. — All right. — I think I've been very lucky in that when I started I started in a city Calgary, Alberta in Canada where they've taped coolings. That's my frame of reference. Um, and um, ju

15:58 just side note, how excited were you when in the um, Winter Olympics there was a Jamaican bobsled team? Did you wet your pants? I wet my pants. — Of course. It's fabulous. Yeah. 88

16:08 Hang on. — Oh, now we're officially done the contest. Now it's officially over. — Yeah, it's done. — You still done way better than me. — Yeah, I'm I'm so done. — Um, so I started with a group of 12

16:21 Yeah. And I was just really lucky in — I think because we all started together that they just treated me like them. Yeah. I I didn't have that — anyone trying to get with me or anything like that.

16:36 So I I started off in that realm and then even when I moved to Toronto and then bigger centers. — I mean it maybe has happened a little bit but nothing — nothing horrible. — Okay. Nothing creepy in

16:48 Well, even if it is creepy, my tendency is to just laugh it off anyway. Mhm. — You know, like it's a joke. Like one time a guy asked me out to dinner and I just went

16:56 like he was joking, right? Like you're — And he was serious. — Was he a nice kind? — Yeah. He's creepy. It was creepy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is why I laughed it — Um but yeah, for the most part, no, it's it's been it's been okay. I always tell girls when they start comedy though.

17:14 Don't [ __ ] your way to the middle. — You know, don't don't screw your way to an opening spot. You'll get that yourself, right? If you're really gonna sleep your way to the top, wait till you get somewhere and then start out. Don't put out early. Don't put out early.

17:27 It's an actual thing that he could he could sleep your way kind of quite — To really good comedy spots, — I think. Maybe. But men can do that, too. Because in comedy, a lot of the bookers, a lot of the agents, a lot of they're women.

17:42 So, it's reverse casting couch. Men can sleep their way into gigs. probably even more than a woman could sleep away and to get because the people who have the power are the women up top, right? So,

17:54 I mean, you could bang a comic, but what's that gonna get you? Oh, great. I'm gonna open for you again. — Woo! That was rough. Exactly. So, I think it's um Yeah, I think men can get further in this industry, sleeping her. I think it's a lot harder though for men to try and seduce women to get high up a ladder because I think men have very when it comes to sex it's like well has she got boobs? Yes. Okay. I don't do

18:23 and women they want you the personality they want the the the body and — not a lot of folks have that. — You see that's really funny you were saying that like you asked me even before we started the interview um am I a fan of uh chest hair or not?

18:35 Yeah. Yeah. — I'm pretty indifferent. Like I said, I have dated so many different types that to me it's the person at the end of the day, right? I don't really have any. — So, what you want to do with your career? So, where is this all this uh stand up leading to? What you want to be

18:50 What I really initially went into standup for and a lot of people might crucify me for saying this. I wanted to be an actress. That is what I wanted. So, I was kind of hoping that it would be a good way to market myself into television or auditioning. But what I found is

19:05 Is that not the case? Well, — I kind I kind of think that as well, right? You do stand up and then you get picked up for like, you know, cool acting things and

19:13 Yeah, but I guess it's like how do you just get picked up again? It goes back to then the auditioning or or somebody having to choose to want to back you, you know, which is which is, you know, what happens where standup is just so pure. You you can take hold of it and you can run with it. So, I guess it would be trying to find television executives that could see a future in this.

19:40 In this, maybe I should do a woman versus food. — I'll get serious. I'll get serious about it. Less talking the next time the food is brought to me. That'll be That would be a great gig, actually. I would gain a lot of weight, but I'd be willing to do that for a year.

19:53 Well, based on this, I don't think you get very far. Have Have you got room for the rest? — Well, I'm still eating. — You still eating? Yeah. — And you haven't fed anything to anyone who works here. So,

20:03 yeah. But that that is that would be my dream. I would love to be able to pursue acting a bit more. Um because I think I'm performer first, writer second. I think there's two types of comics. Writer first, performer second, performer first, writer second. I'm performer 100%. And it's taken me a long time to really hone the skill of writing jokes. And but when I think of it, I I mean I I wouldn't enjoy sitting and writing all day. That is not something that appeals to me.

20:33 Like being up there on the stage in front of people. — Yeah. Social the social aspect of it. So in front of people, working with people, doing that sort of thing. So that that would be what I would really love. In fact, I was talking to a friend. You know what I might look into next

20:49 Doing a panto. — A panto. — I've never even seen one. I'm gonna go see one this year. And someone was telling me, "Well, do you sing?" I was like, "Yeah, I sing." — You sing? What you sing?

20:59 Oh my god. I was classically trained. I was opera singer for when I was young. And then uh yeah, I'm I'm a singer. I — Can we hear something — right now? — Yeah. Go for it.

21:08 I'm full a burger. — So the perfect time when you're full of burger. Did you not That should have been lesson one of your singing career. — Get ready to sing on a full stomach. I could have danced all night. I could have danced all night. Sorry everyone. Okay. Sorry. I got very very dirty looks. I did. They were like, "Don't dance all night. Just sing at home.

21:34 Time for — burgers." Burgers. — Yeah. Yeah. That's what I would love. So, a pano might be uh something I would look into. I hear you get paid pretty good and it would be a fun little thing to do, I think. So, maybe pano. Yeah. It's been a long time since I've done live theater, too. That's where I started uh was theater. Yeah. Yeah.

21:53 Um but I just I don't know. I didn't want to do theater for forever. So that thus the standup trying to get more and more into film and television. But I think it would be a real fun break from all of that to do something like panto. You know,

22:04 one thing I hate about panto is like the um the induendo that you get virtually every other line. And if if Julian Clary is in a panto, every other line is is a reference to anal sex. And that's what I really hate. Really?

22:18 I that's I I can't stand it. I'm really — It's such sexual undertone and there's always men dressed as women. Right. That's a classic. — I don't mind that. That's cool. I'm down with that. But just like

22:27 it's just a cheesy anal sex references like every other line if Julian Clary is in it. Totally. — Yeah. That's his set. That's all he does. Anal sex references. I hate it. — He always does that in panto. You got kids in the audience. And

22:41 yeah, a bit of my dad's side's coming out now, I think. — But I guess that's the whole point, right? If you can disguise the dirty jokes so the kids don't get it, — then it's for the adults

22:49 and it just goes over the kids' heads. — I'm really happy that we got free food. Thank you for that. — That's all right. — This is This is my dream. You want me to talk about comedy myself and get free food in front? A massive free food.

23:03 Yeah. Could you have any more free food? — This is it. I think this is the pinnacle of the career right now. — Yeah. It can only go Where can it go from here? — Downwards, I think.

23:12 Just downwards the failure. — Uhhuh. Um, so what you got coming up in the pipeline? Where can someone go and see you? — What's going on? — Uh, well, like I said, I will be opening up again for Stuart Francis, which is great through uh May May, June, and I think there'll be some more dates in uh September, which will be lovely.

23:31 oh god, — don't mind me, love. Don't look. That is coming off. — I thought I was going to say I thought you were taking off. — That is off, right? Yeah, you're saying — And uh yeah, uh what else do I have coming? Just you can go to my website,

23:52 We'll put that at the bottom somehow. She does it. Technical stuff. — I've learned now how to actually put my dates in my website, everyone. I learned that myself. So hopefully they'll be up to date.

24:01 If you looked a week ago, you could still see my 2014 13. I don't mean to brag, but I was very busy in 2013. — Uh but yeah. Yeah. uh — just at a local comedy club near you.

24:14 Yeah. Well, I really like to encourage people to keep going out to stand up if I can do that. I missed. — I think people are forgetting to go see live standup and it is very important because without you going, we don't have

24:26 and people are forgetting and and live standup is the best. What you're going to see on telly is great. You got to go to a live club to see real standup is my opinion. Yeah.

24:36 Are you going to be okay? I'm I've Yeah, I might need a a taxi to my car which is about 50 m away. — Can we do this? Can we say that I won

24:46 Oh, cool. Look at that. — You gave away half of it. And look at how much pain he's in. The truth is I am still going strong. You gave away almost all your fries. I think I won.

24:57 There was no rule. There was no fry rule. So, — there was no — I'll call it a draw. I think — thank you so much for um gorging on meat and potato things with me.

25:11 This has been my pleasure. What a lovely lovely afternoon. Thank you very much. — That's all right. Anytime. I'll go to sleep now. Sort yourself out.